21. Jul, 2019

Jewel in the Potboiler

It was India pre the British Empire but no less put upon for all that.  The East India Company were up to no good at all (queue quailing villagers being rudely oppressed), causing bravely quivering lip of moved disapprobation and stomping off by Our Hero, a Man with a Heart.  The French had no more than a single garrison and a Fiendishly Suave General but were nonetheless successfully in cahoots with the Emperor and remarkably keen for the Brits to exit their tentative alliance.

After a quick further dip into the compendium of stock characters, we have said Hero with a Heart suddenly turning up at this bit of a house he's had built, with a retinue of baby minders, a baby and a Secret about the elephant in the room, the baby.  After about two minutes he's met and fallen for a Lowly English Governess, who it turns out, is irresistable to him once he's lent her a book and he can see a future for the first time in, oh, at least a week.  Prior to that he was mourning baby's dead mother for, given baby's age and time of mother's demise, about a month. Things move fast out there.  Maybe it's the heat.  He hasn't seen his mother for twelve years but she's across in a trice, over the ocean from England with a Companion, who's out to catch her man.  Guess who?  She and the governess don't hit it off.

Not only that but would you Adam and Eve it, his old mate from the East India Company has come along too.  Turns out he left under a bit of a cloud while our Hero with a Heart's name is unsullied.  Given this, Snake in the Grass Best Friend is an obvious candidate for being behind sundry misfortunes which crop up very quickly indeed.  Not that our Hero with a Heart has a clue, of course, being so noble and all that.

There's a sultry and haughty Indian Maiden, one of the baby's attendants, forlornly admired by the young house servant running the house but who is immediately seduced instead when the Hero with a Heart drags his, naturally, Scapegrace and Scallywag Younger Brother from the brothel of somewhere back to the Maternal Bosom.  The maternal bosom is large and belongs to Mrs Patmore, the cook in Downton Abbey, who unsuprisingly can't face the food out there.  Well, it's hardly what she's used to, is it?  The kitchen turns her screechy with horror but luckily she's an opium fiend, so finds solace when the need arises.  

There are six episodes, all filmed in sumptuous looking settings but blimey, it doesn't half rattle along.  One minute Our Hero has won the day over the French by not only getting the girl but clobbering the Emperor with a gold automaton which charms the Empress on her birthday, thus winning him his coveted trading licence, the next he's in covert possession of a jewel to sell on behalf of the Empress and the Prince to raise an army, and would you Adam and Eve it again, Best Friend has stitched him up and got him thrown in the clink just when he had Revealed All.  

Guess what, his child is an Actual Indian Prince!  Yes, really!  He only went and rescued a Maharajah and his daughters from some bandits back at the start of Episode One, didn't he? Fell in love, had baby, wife was done in by Maharajah's jealous younger brother and now Our Hero has to raise baby August in secret, as his life will be in danger as the heir too.  Well, quite secretly, until Our Hero with a Heart rocks up at the house with baby, causes a bit of a stir and then his wife's sister arrives in style like the Great Panjandrum she turns out to be, except for being a woman, of course.

It might work out in the end. The Emperor's son has visited him in jail dressed up as a woman, usually a sign someone's come to help you escape, which raises his hopes it will all come right.  The Lowly Governess is trying to use her influence with the royals. Scapegrace Younger Brother has sussed Snake in the Grass Best Friend and Mrs Patmore has tipped her opium over the balustrade.  I always had her down as more the smelling salts type, myself, when a critical sauce had gone down the pan.  Bro's fling with the nursemaid has resulted in another potential baby but it looks like Scapegrace Younger Brother might just be seeing the error of his selfish ways.  That leaves Loyally Loving House Servant back out in the cold again, though.  Aw, bless.  It's the last one tomorrow.  I can't begin to guess what might happen...well, I can.  It'll be over quicker than Wimbledon, anyway, whatever it is.